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Where does inspiration go?

There was a time that I wrote articles frequently, actually, this was one of the main reaons to start a website in 2001. Around the year 2000 I was running towards the ends of my ‘theosophist’ period and set out to find new material to study. I did run into those new subjects, got involved in a Dutch publication and started to write more seriously. In 2002 I met my girlfriend (who was involved in the same project) who at the time studied German and philosophy, but had a broader interest in esoteric matters. Together we ran into a Flemish Asatru group, the founder of which is a genuine esotericist and I ran into tons of subjects to delve into. 2000 To about 2006 were my most fruitfull years when it comes to writing articles. Serious projects such as my investigations of the Christian Cabala (2003), Mithraism (2004), Hermetica (2004), rune calendars (2005) and Johannes Bureus (2005) resulted in the most popular articles that you can find on this website. After that, things ended up pretty much dead. I still read quite a bit (but not like I used to) and about a wide variety of subjects, but almost nothing inspires me to investigate something nowadays and little is worth writing about (the subjects mentioned earlier were all subjects about which little information could be found on the internet at the time). What happened that took away my inspiration?

I am, indeed, circling around the same subjects a lot, nothing much new comes out of it, but naturally I do not read anything I am not interested in. Two things that I can think of occured around the time. In 2005 or 2006 me and my girlfriend were allowed into a group for esoteric studies. After a thrilling few years the leader of that group left both the mother organisation and the smaller study groups (2008) leaving a void. Another thing that strikes me when adding a bit of chronology to the matter is that I notice that I changed jobs around the time that I almost entirely stopped writing: July 2007. No, it is not a high-responsibility stressfull job that I work 60 hours a week in. Quite on the contrary actually. My job tends to be rather mindkilling. When I switched it was high time for me to do something else and the opportunity occured. I ran into an interesting new field of work and got the opportunity to switch without switching employers. I still think I am in an interesting field, both work-wise and regarding the organisation that I work for (that split off of the organisation that I used to work for), but as the least-ambitious person on my department everybody seems to be taking triple-jumps in carreer leaving crumbs of even more mindkilling work for me. The problem is: I honestly do not know what I want. Is my vocational standstill cause of my ‘spiritual standstill’? The other way around perhaps? Did I arrive at that 30-something midlife crisis (called “quarterlife crisis”)? I guess I need something to break the circle so you might have something to read again…

2 thoughts on “Where does inspiration go?”

  1. I know this is a bit old now, but I was reading this blog post here by another Heathen ,and it just made me think of what you’d been experiencing. I find my inspiration definitely goes in cycles, and I think it’s better to just ride the phases out. For example, I ordered Stephen Pollington’s “The Elder Gods – The Otherworld of Early England” a few months back and was really dying to read it because I love this guy’s work so much. When I got it though it went on the “to read” pile and has been there ever since – I just can’t get myself going with it – not because there’s anything wrong with the book, because I know it’s just up my alley, but because I’ve been reading all sorts of other stuff, more esoteric stuff, like about Tarot and such. I’ve had these cyclic periods for years, and have just got used to them. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now I realise that it’s probably quite normal from time to time.

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